Scars never lied.

It has been almost 1 year your are my so-called ex boyfriend. I can still recall our memories, our sadness and happiness together at that time. How great our relationship was being, as we spent our time together almost every time.
          On the first dating in KLCC, you said in front of my face that you are falling in love with me. I was damn speechless, anxious and I can't even control myself. Nothing I could say, unless I said ''Thank you''. We continued with our lunch, but you didn't know how happy I was.
          After a week past, we just be a friend and one night you asked me whether I fall for you or not. Deep from my heart, I love you so much, I couldn't afford to say those three words as I was afraid if I fail to make you happy. Sorry, I won't make you hurt. I failed to express my feeling, I just can say that I am fully like you as my friend till forever. You cried on the phone, you wanted to meet me but I refused you to do that. I said, I love you,and I hope that you can accept me for who am I.
          The other day, you took my hands, and proposed me to be your girlfriend.  I was really shy and insecure with you. I asked you to give me time. You were waiting for the answer. Without regret, I was yours. :)
          Nostalgically, when I got back from my part-time work, you sacrificed your time by picking me up and treated me to dinner. I can still remember, you always asked me ''Da mkn ke blum?" If I said, yeah, you asked back what I have eaten, of course just the pastry from starbucks. "Tak mkn nasi? Tak kira, dinner ni you have to eat nasi jugak''. How caring you were. I wanna cry cuz felt happy having you at that time.
          I never thought of losing you. You ever said about your future as you said about our marrige thingy. You seemed very serious about our relationship. It was just me, who can't even sacrifice anything for you. I still remember our great memories. We always went to cinema and watched all types of movies together. Love movies, actions movies and so on. There's a time I hate the movie that you really obsess. I forced you to get out from the cinema, you asked why. I lied to you. I said I was not felt good and I have to go back home early. It was hard to get a taxi, we had fight. But, you said sorry to me, which you were not deserved to do that. It was my fault. I am sorry...
          One day, we had had accident, I was really regret for what happened to us. I was clueless, I was lost. I never faced accident in my whole lives. Unfortunately, we have faced the worst incident together. The scars is the proof. The scars on my left hand's elbow never lied. After the incident happend, I always asked you to seek cure to vanish my ugly scar. I can't accept the flaw. You sacrificed your money, your time to buy the oil for removing my scar. It didn't work. I asked for the oil which the price higher than the previous one, till now.... it don't make any effort. How can I remove the flaw?
          When I move far away from you, you can't accept at all. You cried, you asked me any alternative things that made me stay. Nothing, I still with my decision and I left you alone. We still as a special partner. We are connected everyday and you sacrificed you money to top up your prepaid to stay on the phone every single night. You even told a scary and terrific story that happened near to my place which I stayed. I know the reason that you really wanted me to get back. I still refused. I ever cried to you, and you cried too. We have been through a relationship in a far distance. I can't stand anymore. I have no guts, I asked for clash. As I though that I can find other better guy, I have forgotten all your efforts for me, all your love towards me. I asked to break up. I made your heart hurt at all.
          I am sorry for what I have done. Tapi, I ada reason kenapa kita clash, you ever made me hurt, and there's a girl talked bad about you, and at last, you said ''those three words'' to other girl,in facebook. Probably, this is the price that I have to pay as I made you hurt, maybe...

But, honestly, I do think of you sometimes. The scars make me think about you. The scars never lied.

There's a reason for what had happened.

          

Kawan bermasalah

Cerita budak bernasib malang apabila sering memperbodohkan diri sendiri, dengan menunjukkan terang-terangan yang diri awak tuh loser, dan sngatlah malang. Kesian. Simpati je aku ley sumbangkan.

          Kawan dtg dan pergi. Kalau nak kata, kita mahu buang kawan2 lama, terbuang dan terhapus la sejarah lama. Baik bruk penglamn bersama kwn adalah complementary yg penting utk mewujudkan pengalam yg bermkna.

          Cerita aku ni agk menarik la juga. Cuba bygkan kwn korang yg dlu rapat ngn korang, gelak sme2, sama2 gila, lepak almost everyday, tapi dlm diam buat hal. Kenal dr sekolah rendah till SPM, dlm waktu tu, dia buat hal. Bak kata peribahasa la kan, 'tikam belakang'. Bagi aku, aku plg teruk kena ngn die ut, tp kwn2 aku yg sekali ngn dia kata diorang pun sama2 merasai betapa teruk nya kena penangan ngn 'dia; nih. 

          Lawak jenaka kau, dpt mmbantu kitorang yg tkde bhn seperti movie, atau filem2 lama utk ditonton. Terima kasih aku ucapkan. Pujian kau yg berlambak-lambak , padahal belakang kitorang, kau canang dgn perkara yg sebaliknya , what the hell wehh.? Kenapa eh, kau buat camtu? Bertahun weh, perangai kau camtu.

 

          Kau seorang yg sgt kuat. Ya, sngt kuat, sngat confident mengharungi hidup kau yg penuh dgn PENIPUAN, KEPURAAN, dan senag kata FAKE. Kau sgt pandai berlakon. Bayangkan, mudah sahaja kau mengalirkan air mata jika ada masalah, atau trlampau MURAH air mata kau disaat engkau mengatakan kau 'tidaklah berapa niat nak mengutuk kami semua, just..huh..' itu saja alasan kau? Alasan kau hanya alasan kosong, yg tk perlu di beri markah tetapi air mata kau yg sangat mudah bergenang membuatkan kitorang menerima kau, sedetik air mata kau jatuh, kami terima, berlinangan air mata kau, kami merasai. Tetapi, kau tak berubah. Ulang, KAU TAK BERUBAH. Kenpa weh?

          Disaat kau memberikan nasihat kepada aku, saat aku trlanjur mempercayai kau 100%, aku menerima. Aku pun tk thu, kenapa aku senang dan rela hati menerima perkataan kau yg begitu, argh, ayat yg sangat tersusun, menarik perhatian, sgt meyakinkan, in simplest term, you are SWEET TALKER. Ouh, sgt pandai kau, kau sgt professional. Sangat berkeyakinan! Good job! Selepas itu.... Bapak ar! Runtuh hati aku, apabila dpt thu, bahawa segala permasalahan aku, segala perasaan down aku, segala aib yg aku cerita kat kau, kau SAMPAIKAN KEPADA ORG LAIN! Kenpa weh? Kenapa buat aku begitu!? Wahai ex-kawan ku, berubah lah. Berubaha la.. 

          Di saat kau brsama aku dlu, bnyk juga cerita2 buruk dr kalangn2 yg aku kenal. Aku hanya gunakan TELINGA UNTUK MENDENGAR, KEPALA UNTUK MENGANGGUK, ats segala kutukan kau , dan pernah juga kau mnceritakan AIB KWN BAIK AKU kpdu ku. Aku tdk perlu pun mengetahuinya dr org lain,  dan itu salah wahai ex-kwn aku... Semakin lama, umur kita meninggkat, semakin matang pemikiran kita. Kau takkan tak rasa, aku boleh tahu, KALAU KAU SANGGUP CERITAKAN KEBURUKAN ORG LAIN PD AKU, KAU PUN SANGGUP CERITAK KEBURUKAN AKU PD ORG LAIN.  Disaat umur aku sebegini yg, aku bsama kwn2 lain sedar akn terjadinya kitaran cerita dan kutukan kau itu. Kau sprti seorang manusia HARAM JADAH yg mahukan kwn2 di sekelilinh kau bermusuhan, dan kau sgt bahagia. Yes, it did work! Apa dah jd, kwn baik aku, nak tak nak jer kwn ngn aku, kwn2 yg lain, pndang acuh tak acuh dgn aku. Inilah hasil kerja kau whai ex-kwn ku. 

          Tapi! Bukan aku seorng jd mangsa kau! Semua nama2 yg kau sebut dlm kutukan kau tuh, mangsa kau. Aku, N, I, M, F, K, dan bnyk lg kwn2 aku jd mangsa kau. Sudah lah, obviously dalam berapa tahun dahulu kau takde LIFE! kesian kau..

          Cerita kat ats ni, sejarah la, it was such a great nostalgic sbb kitorang yg sgt gah di mata kau kan, sehingga setiap apa yg kitaorang buat kau tak puas hati? Hello, sape suruh tak puas hati, kan dah hancur hati kau. LOSER betul

          Anyway, as in this year, 2011, kau nak kata kitorang ni, ex kwn2 kau, dah buang kau? Hahaha, kenapa cakap cam tu weh? Kenapa kau rasa diri kau dibuang? Ouh, memang kau rasa KAU PATUT DIBUANG la kan? Sedar pun. Kau kata, kitaorng canag psl kau? kau nak kat..kitaorang ni, erk..tak puas hati ngn kau? Hello, tak pernah kitaorang tk puas hati, sbb.. 'KAU APA ADA? APA PUN TADAK' Kitaorng thought of u all of sudden pun, sebab. ni ha, sebab membayangkan, betapa brukkkkkkk nya perangai kau, yg membuatkan kitaorang sampai , ha, perlu ker tak puas hati ngn kau? Takde point ok, bukan LIFE kitaorang nk buat cerita mcam kau buat LIFE kiorang ni, hanya focus pd life sndiri jer, OUR LIFE IS OUR PRIORITY, YOUR LIFE IS NOT OURS.

            Ramai yg tak suka ngn peranagi kau. Tp, kau canang kat kwn2 bru kau, kitorang tk nk kwn ngn kau, sbb cemburu ngn kau. Hello, kau siapa? Bukan cemburu der, tapi pelik dgn perangai kau yg sepatutnya kau perlu pun berperangai camtuh kan? 

        

          Yes, Allah s.w.t maha adil. Kau cp cmtuh dulu. Wah2, pndai kau sebut nama tuhan. Maha adil weh, tapi igt lah ex-kwn ku, SELANGI TIDAK MEMINTA MAAF KEPADA MANUSIA YG KITA PERNAH SAKIYI HANTINYA, ALLAH TK AKN MAAFKAN KITA. Kau buat dosa yg melibtkan kau dgn tuhan, senang la hubungn kau ngn tuhan, tapi kau, dgn kitaorang ni! (Ramai nyer)

          Kesimpulan aku, igt lah, berubah memang senang. Cara dia, kau minta maaf lah pd EX KWN2 kau, kalau tak, selagi itu lah kau tak berubah.

p/s : kalau kau kata LIFE ko sekarang sgt la BAGUS, so, obviously lah LIFE kau dlu teruk, or senang kata, KAU TAKDA LIFE

Cara kau membuatkan kitaorang lagi bangga jadi kitaorng ni. Aku bangga jd diri aku, walaupun dlm tempoh dlm brape thn lepas, aku DIANIAYA dan DIJATUH kan oleh engkau, EX-KWN ku.

The journey of my life.

It's has been very long time I am not writing for my ugly blog. I have been busy with reality life and can't even manage time to spend for the network-social life. Since I have been through my life in campus, there's nothing much I can make words about it. Well, there are not many things vary unless your environment and folks around me.
          Anna Adila. I feel a lot of thankful as I am proud having this beautiful name. Thanks my lovely family, I know the reason you guys gave this such unique name for hoping that I can be even close as like the hidden meaning of my name. Anna means 'I' and Adila means 'full of fair'. After a year I have been fully jobless and waste too much money, I started my studies in Uniten, Muadzam Shah. My major is Foundation in Finance. As I am writing now,  I have been in about 4 months which the first semester had been completed.
          The best thing I ever had in my campus life is that I have got higher pointer for my grade for last sem. Alhamdullilah, thank for Allah. Actually that was out of my expectation cause I never thought that my result will same as my effort which I did not put too much. All I believe it came from my God's and mom's bless. All of my prays had fulfilled. Here it is, I got 3.9 for my cgpa :)

          Now, I have been in second sem. I have to think a lot to accomplish my goal and to sacrifice as many efforts as possible. I have to make and engagement with learnig. In simplest term, I have to be a multi-tasking person who are able not to focus on one thing, but various of things too. I have to balance my academic, critical thingking, behaviour changing , social life and any other correlations situation.

For the day after tomorrow onwards, I have Biz Maths and Micro tests. InsyaAllah, I will do the best for it.
Anna Adila.